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Latest from Frank Cerabino

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Cerabino: Gov. Rick Scott crosses rhetorical border on caged children
 Every once in a while, it’s worth translating Gov. Rick Scott into English. Scott has a tendency to string words together in ways that defy meaning, mask intent or signify nothing. For example, here is Scott’s take on President Donald Trump’s recent zero-tolerance policy that is separating children from their undocumented...

Posted: 22 hours ago

Every once in a while, it’s worth translating Gov. Rick Scott into English. Scott has a tendency to string words together in ways that defy meaning, mask intent or signify nothing. For example, here is Scott’s take on President Donald Trump’s recent zero-tolerance policy that is separating children from their undocumented...
Cerabino: Florida’s oil exploration plans are all wet — and that’s good
 It appears that Mother Nature has taken matters into its own hands in Florida. For the second year in a row, the summer rains have put a temporary halt to man’s plan to explore for oil in the Big Cypress National Preserve, which borders on Everglades National Park. Burnett Oil, a Texas company looking for oil in Southwest Florida, has...

Posted: a day ago

It appears that Mother Nature has taken matters into its own hands in Florida. For the second year in a row, the summer rains have put a temporary halt to man’s plan to explore for oil in the Big Cypress National Preserve, which borders on Everglades National Park. Burnett Oil, a Texas company looking for oil in Southwest Florida, has...
Cerabino: The foundation of Trump’s charity is self-promotion
 This week’s undressing of the Donald J. Trump Foundation by the New York Attorney General’s Office  made me think of that time I found myself gazing at the giant model of Trump’s yacht inside Mar-a-Lago It was the first time I was inside Mar-a-Lago in the mid-1990s, and a few years after then-real-estate developer...

Posted: 5 days ago

This week’s undressing of the Donald J. Trump Foundation by the New York Attorney General’s Office  made me think of that time I found myself gazing at the giant model of Trump’s yacht inside Mar-a-Lago It was the first time I was inside Mar-a-Lago in the mid-1990s, and a few years after then-real-estate developer...
Cerabino: The conventional wisdom on alligator tactics takes a turn
 It’s unsettling to discover that something you’ve “known” for a long time isn’t true. It happened to me this week when reading a newspaper story titled, “What to do when an alligator attacks.” I’ve been living in South Florida for more than 30 years now, more than enough time to master this...

Posted: 7 days ago

It’s unsettling to discover that something you’ve “known” for a long time isn’t true. It happened to me this week when reading a newspaper story titled, “What to do when an alligator attacks.” I’ve been living in South Florida for more than 30 years now, more than enough time to master this...
Cerabino: Gunshine State special: Permits before background checks
 Late last year, an item was inserted into the bowels of mind-numbing 98-page piece of legislation about agricultural practices in Florida. The item from Florida’s Secretary of Agriculture and Consumer Services Adam Putnam was included near the end of Senate Bill 740. The item followed changes on how germination tests for seeds...

Posted: 8 days ago

Late last year, an item was inserted into the bowels of mind-numbing 98-page piece of legislation about agricultural practices in Florida. The item from Florida’s Secretary of Agriculture and Consumer Services Adam Putnam was included near the end of Senate Bill 740. The item followed changes on how germination tests for seeds...
Cerabino: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the Trumpiest of them all?
 If you’re a Republican looking to be Florida’s next governor, you’ve got to get Trumpy. But good luck finding a way to wrestle that title from the other contenders. Things tightened up recently when candidate Bruce Nathan, a Palm City physical therapist, branded himself “Florida’s Donald Trump.” &ldquo...

Posted: 11 days ago

If you’re a Republican looking to be Florida’s next governor, you’ve got to get Trumpy. But good luck finding a way to wrestle that title from the other contenders. Things tightened up recently when candidate Bruce Nathan, a Palm City physical therapist, branded himself “Florida’s Donald Trump.” &ldquo...
Cerabino: D’oh, Canada! How The War of 1812 turned into The War of 2018
 31 — President Donald Trump announces 25 percent tariff on Canadian steel and 10 percent tariff on Canadian aluminum. Canada’s Department of Finance responds immediately by threatening to impose $12.8 billion in tariffs against U.S. for products ranging from wood to maple syrup to mattresses. 1 — Canada complains to World...

Posted: 12 days ago

31 — President Donald Trump announces 25 percent tariff on Canadian steel and 10 percent tariff on Canadian aluminum. Canada’s Department of Finance responds immediately by threatening to impose $12.8 billion in tariffs against U.S. for products ranging from wood to maple syrup to mattresses. 1 — Canada complains to World...
Cerabino: County schools chief sounds his horn about arts education
 You probably don’t know what a euphonium is. Even some musicians don’t. Think of a euphonium as the tuba’s little brother, or maybe what would happen if a French horn and a sousaphone had a baby. It’s a low-brass instrument you typically find in marching and concert bands but practically nowhere else. I got to...

Posted: 14 days ago

You probably don’t know what a euphonium is. Even some musicians don’t. Think of a euphonium as the tuba’s little brother, or maybe what would happen if a French horn and a sousaphone had a baby. It’s a low-brass instrument you typically find in marching and concert bands but practically nowhere else. I got to...
Cerabino: Can Florida handle Parkland kids rounding up young voters?
 I guess those idealistic young activists from Parkland haven’t gotten the memo. On Monday, the student movement that began with the Valentine’s Day massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, turned into a nationwide drive to register young voters for the upcoming midterm elections. “By empowering millions...

Posted: 15 days ago

I guess those idealistic young activists from Parkland haven’t gotten the memo. On Monday, the student movement that began with the Valentine’s Day massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, turned into a nationwide drive to register young voters for the upcoming midterm elections. “By empowering millions...
Cerabino: Everybody’s saying this hurricane Q & A is a total wind hunt!
 The 2018 Atlantic hurricane season has started, marking that time of year when tropical cyclones develop in the North Atlantic, Floridians test their generators, and Americans wonder if Melania Trump may be lost in a storm. As a full-service local news columnist and a long-time South Florida resident, I am here to answer your not-frequently-asked...

Posted: 18 days ago

The 2018 Atlantic hurricane season has started, marking that time of year when tropical cyclones develop in the North Atlantic, Floridians test their generators, and Americans wonder if Melania Trump may be lost in a storm. As a full-service local news columnist and a long-time South Florida resident, I am here to answer your not-frequently-asked...
Cerabino: Getting the hang of Florida’s politics is rough business
 The regressive ignorance of political discourse in Florida can be breathtaking. That was the case over the weekend when a Ron DeSantis campaign speech in Citrus County turned toward a return to lynching. DeSantis, a North Florida congressman who is running for governor, was in the middle of painting “the four liberals” on...

Posted: 19 days ago

The regressive ignorance of political discourse in Florida can be breathtaking. That was the case over the weekend when a Ron DeSantis campaign speech in Citrus County turned toward a return to lynching. DeSantis, a North Florida congressman who is running for governor, was in the middle of painting “the four liberals” on...
Cerabino: Rocky reception for Florida school lesson on raccoon killing
 I’m generally in favor of schoolteachers enriching the curriculum by bringing their own expertise into classroom discussions and lessons. But not when it involves demonstrating the proper technique to drown a raccoon. That’s what happened this month at a Florida public high school when Dewie Brewton, an agricultural science...

Posted: 21 days ago

I’m generally in favor of schoolteachers enriching the curriculum by bringing their own expertise into classroom discussions and lessons. But not when it involves demonstrating the proper technique to drown a raccoon. That’s what happened this month at a Florida public high school when Dewie Brewton, an agricultural science...
Cerabino: A dream job for those who aren’t movers or shakers
 Current job posting: *** To Whom it May Concern: I am writing in response to a job listing from Palm Beach State College that seeks workers for part-time employment as models for drawing and anatomy classes. I will admit right from the start that I have no past job experience in this area, but I’ve been told by my wife on numerous occasions...

Posted: 23 days ago

Current job posting: *** To Whom it May Concern: I am writing in response to a job listing from Palm Beach State College that seeks workers for part-time employment as models for drawing and anatomy classes. I will admit right from the start that I have no past job experience in this area, but I’ve been told by my wife on numerous occasions...
Cerabino: Palm Beach County has immigrant story fitting for president
 President Donald Trump took a brief trip to Long Island this past week. He should have gone to Jupiter instead. “We’re here today to discuss the menace of MS-13,” Trump said to begin his remarks at a round-table discussion in Bethpage, a city in Suffolk County, New York. If you didn’t know anything about the millions...

Posted: 26 days ago

President Donald Trump took a brief trip to Long Island this past week. He should have gone to Jupiter instead. “We’re here today to discuss the menace of MS-13,” Trump said to begin his remarks at a round-table discussion in Bethpage, a city in Suffolk County, New York. If you didn’t know anything about the millions...
Cerabino: Dead wrong to alert Lake Worth about power-zapping zombies
 News alert! There are no zombies on the loose in Lake Worth. “As far as we know,” clarified the city’s public information officer Ben Kerr. The city had issued a zombie warning after a widespread power failure early Sunday morning left nearly 8,000 customers without electricity for about a half hour. Here&rsquo...

Posted: 28 days ago

News alert! There are no zombies on the loose in Lake Worth. “As far as we know,” clarified the city’s public information officer Ben Kerr. The city had issued a zombie warning after a widespread power failure early Sunday morning left nearly 8,000 customers without electricity for about a half hour. Here&rsquo...
Cerabino: The disarming story behind Publix cash for gun-loving Putnam
 Publix needs to let its employees work with loaded firearms at their sides. It’s the only way to save face at this point. The grocery chain has been trying to explain why it suddenly started functioning as a super(market) PAC for the self-described “proud NRA sellout” Adam Putnam. Publix has given the Republican gubernatorial...

Posted: 29 days ago

Publix needs to let its employees work with loaded firearms at their sides. It’s the only way to save face at this point. The grocery chain has been trying to explain why it suddenly started functioning as a super(market) PAC for the self-described “proud NRA sellout” Adam Putnam. Publix has given the Republican gubernatorial...
Cerabino: Toughening rules for “emotional support animals” on flights
 It’s good to see that American Airlines is taking a stand against the expanding roster of creatures brought aboard commercial airlines as “emotional support animals.” This past week, the airline issued comprehensive restrictions on these animals while outlining the kind of unacceptable behavior that won’t be tolerated...

7:47 PM Friday, May. 18, 2018

It’s good to see that American Airlines is taking a stand against the expanding roster of creatures brought aboard commercial airlines as “emotional support animals.” This past week, the airline issued comprehensive restrictions on these animals while outlining the kind of unacceptable behavior that won’t be tolerated...
Cerabino: Popcorn lobby responds to panic at Boca Raton movie theater
 Dear Cinemark management: I am writing on behalf of the National Popcorn Association (NPA), a group of kernel-loving patriots who seek to preserve our precious rights to possess and fire heated corn. These rights were enshrined by Thomas “Jeffy Pop” Jefferson and the rest of our Foundering Fathers, or as we like to call them our...

8:06 PM Tuesday, May. 15, 2018

Dear Cinemark management: I am writing on behalf of the National Popcorn Association (NPA), a group of kernel-loving patriots who seek to preserve our precious rights to possess and fire heated corn. These rights were enshrined by Thomas “Jeffy Pop” Jefferson and the rest of our Foundering Fathers, or as we like to call them our...
Cerabino: Old women don’t get a breather from the gig economy
 You may have heard that we are increasingly living in a “gig economy.” Rather than hiring workers for full-time jobs, some employers are  opting for independent workers engaging in freelance short-term work. Brad Smith, the chief executive of Intuit, predicted that these untethered hired hands will make up about 43 percent of...

9:46 PM Monday, May. 14, 2018

You may have heard that we are increasingly living in a “gig economy.” Rather than hiring workers for full-time jobs, some employers are opting for independent workers engaging in freelance short-term work. Brad Smith, the chief executive of Intuit, predicted that these untethered hired hands will make up about 43 percent of...
A Fairgrounds address to (remember / forget ) for the Class of 2018
 Dear High School Graduates of the Class of 2018: You made it! You’ve come all the way to the ( end / South Florida Fairgrounds), for this, your commencement ceremony. You thought you’d never get here, with all the (obstacles / traffic) you had to face, passing all those (tests / junk yards) and the ( final...

11:05 AM Saturday, May. 12, 2018

Dear High School Graduates of the Class of 2018: You made it! You’ve come all the way to the ( end / South Florida Fairgrounds), for this, your commencement ceremony. You thought you’d never get here, with all the (obstacles / traffic) you had to face, passing all those (tests / junk yards) and the ( final...
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