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Latest from Frank Cerabino

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Cerabino: Foolish for Boca Raton Mayor Haynie to leave county race
 I’ve got some advice for Boca Raton Mayor Susan Haynie. Run, Susan, run! No, I’m not suggesting you hide in the jungles of Thailand to avoid those felony counts of official misconduct and perjury over $335,000 income you failed to disclose — a chunk of it from a local developer who did business with the city. Yes, you&rsquo...

Posted: 5 hours ago

I’ve got some advice for Boca Raton Mayor Susan Haynie. Run, Susan, run! No, I’m not suggesting you hide in the jungles of Thailand to avoid those felony counts of official misconduct and perjury over $335,000 income you failed to disclose — a chunk of it from a local developer who did business with the city. Yes, you&rsquo...
Cerabino: Chance of UFO sightings in Florida is a $10 million question
 It doesn’t seem right that Florida is dead last among states when it comes to UFO sightings. I would think that this metric, as opposed to, say, teacher pay, would be an area where we would excel. But that’s the finding of a study by Casino.org, an internet gambling site that looked at the past 78 years of reported sightings...

Posted: 2 days ago

It doesn’t seem right that Florida is dead last among states when it comes to UFO sightings. I would think that this metric, as opposed to, say, teacher pay, would be an area where we would excel. But that’s the finding of a study by Casino.org, an internet gambling site that looked at the past 78 years of reported sightings...
Cerabino: Let me venti about racial sensitivity training at Starbucks
 May 30, 2018 Dear Starbucks customers: Yesterday afternoon we held some terrific training at thousands of our stores. And we want you to know some of the changes that will be taking place, changes that we hope will make Starbucks a more tolerant and inclusive place to treat your caffeine addiction. From now on, if any customer walks in one...

Posted: 3 days ago

May 30, 2018 Dear Starbucks customers: Yesterday afternoon we held some terrific training at thousands of our stores. And we want you to know some of the changes that will be taking place, changes that we hope will make Starbucks a more tolerant and inclusive place to treat your caffeine addiction. From now on, if any customer walks in one...
Cerabino: ‘Press 1’ for relief from those annoying robocalls
 These days, when my cellphone or landline rings, I’m never surprised that it’s a robocall. Even with being on a do-not-call list and having a call-screening application on my mobile phone, day in and day out, I’m bombarded by the “Hi, this is Tom” health-care guy, some lucky news about a vacation resort, or &ldquo...

Posted: 6 days ago

These days, when my cellphone or landline rings, I’m never surprised that it’s a robocall. Even with being on a do-not-call list and having a call-screening application on my mobile phone, day in and day out, I’m bombarded by the “Hi, this is Tom” health-care guy, some lucky news about a vacation resort, or &ldquo...
Free Melania! First lady needs some relief during Mar-a-Lago trips
 It’s during these presidential trips to Mar-a-Lago that I feel sorry for first lady Melania Trump. OK, I always feel sorry for Melania. But when she’s with her husband in Palm Beach, I feel extra sorry. Donald Trump’s in his glory down here. He gets to occupy most of his days with leisurely outings to his nearby golf...

Posted: 7 days ago

It’s during these presidential trips to Mar-a-Lago that I feel sorry for first lady Melania Trump. OK, I always feel sorry for Melania. But when she’s with her husband in Palm Beach, I feel extra sorry. Donald Trump’s in his glory down here. He gets to occupy most of his days with leisurely outings to his nearby golf...
Cerabino: Seeing through mist of oil derricks will be a vapid exercise
 It’s not crazy to ask voters whether to ban offshore oil drilling in Florida’s waters. And it’s not crazy to ask voters whether to expand the ban on indoor smoking to include vaping. But it is crazy to ask both those questions in one take-it-or-leave it ballot measure. Welcome to Crazyville. This week, the Florida Constitution...

Posted: 9 days ago

It’s not crazy to ask voters whether to ban offshore oil drilling in Florida’s waters. And it’s not crazy to ask voters whether to expand the ban on indoor smoking to include vaping. But it is crazy to ask both those questions in one take-it-or-leave it ballot measure. Welcome to Crazyville. This week, the Florida Constitution...
Cerabino: Is Florida about to break a 31-year lock on local gun laws?
 It started with Joe Carlucci. The New York transplant spent a decade in Jacksonville city politics before becoming a state legislator. Carlucci was an avid hunter who became the National Rifle Association’s Legislator of the Year in 1984. Two years later, at the age of 57, he died of a heart attack while hunting in Georgia. His colleagues...

Posted: 10 days ago

It started with Joe Carlucci. The New York transplant spent a decade in Jacksonville city politics before becoming a state legislator. Carlucci was an avid hunter who became the National Rifle Association’s Legislator of the Year in 1984. Two years later, at the age of 57, he died of a heart attack while hunting in Georgia. His colleagues...
No politics, just porn star Stormy Daniels at West Palm strip club
 Stormy Daniels, the most politically relevant porn star in America, drew a crowd of curious patrons to a West Palm Beach strip club Friday night — husbands and wives, political junkies, celebrity hounds and others who found their attendance a delicate matter that might be better kept quiet. “This is just a spur-of-the-moment...

Posted: 12 days ago

Stormy Daniels, the most politically relevant porn star in America, drew a crowd of curious patrons to a West Palm Beach strip club Friday night — husbands and wives, political junkies, celebrity hounds and others who found their attendance a delicate matter that might be better kept quiet. “This is just a spur-of-the-moment...
The president and the porn star: You think you know all the details
 This will be an epic weekend in the history of Palm Beach County. We’ve never had a sitting president visiting on the same weekend that his porn-star albatross is booked at a local strip club. But that’s what’s happening. Stormy Daniels will be doing back-to-back strip shows at Ultra Gentlemen’s Club, across...

Posted: 14 days ago

This will be an epic weekend in the history of Palm Beach County. We’ve never had a sitting president visiting on the same weekend that his porn-star albatross is booked at a local strip club. But that’s what’s happening. Stormy Daniels will be doing back-to-back strip shows at Ultra Gentlemen’s Club, across...
Cerabino: Gov. Scott’s NAVY ball cap? It makes this Navy vet want to barf
 Does it bother me that Gov. Rick Scott is a mumbling autocrat who constantly undermines Florida’s public institutions to better serve deep-pocket private interests? Sure. But not as much as his Navy ball cap. Scott has already dusted off his cap, the blue one with the letters N-A-V-Y spelled out in yellow, big enough to be seen...

Posted: 16 days ago

Does it bother me that Gov. Rick Scott is a mumbling autocrat who constantly undermines Florida’s public institutions to better serve deep-pocket private interests? Sure. But not as much as his Navy ball cap. Scott has already dusted off his cap, the blue one with the letters N-A-V-Y spelled out in yellow, big enough to be seen...
Please let the Russians know my Facebook info isn’t worth stealing
 Dear Cambridge Analytica: I am writing you in the event I am one of the tens of millions of Americans who unknowingly had their Facebook information appropriated for political purposes. If you have used my Facebook account to develop a comprehensive profile of me I feel it’s only fair to correct some of the misinformation you will...

Posted: 17 days ago

Dear Cambridge Analytica: I am writing you in the event I am one of the tens of millions of Americans who unknowingly had their Facebook information appropriated for political purposes. If you have used my Facebook account to develop a comprehensive profile of me I feel it’s only fair to correct some of the misinformation you will...
Cerabino: From soup to nuts, reader mail takes a disturbing turn
 Notes from hell: Volume 101: * — Maria Massimi Dear Maria: Thank you for representing those who are “too ignorant” to appreciate the “disturbing experience” of reading my column. *** — Frank Kessler Dear Mr. Kessler: You’ve got this all wrong. Being roadwork-adjacent can transform a mediocre...

Posted: 20 days ago

Notes from hell: Volume 101: * — Maria Massimi Dear Maria: Thank you for representing those who are “too ignorant” to appreciate the “disturbing experience” of reading my column. *** — Frank Kessler Dear Mr. Kessler: You’ve got this all wrong. Being roadwork-adjacent can transform a mediocre...
Chinese-food indigestion? It’s the chicken, the rice. No, it’s a boy!
 News item: A Florida woman woke up in the middle of the night with abdominal pains she blamed on a bad batch of Chinese food. But it wasn’t the General Tso’s chicken. It was labor pains. Her boy was born on the way to the hospital. The woman later told the Pensacola News Journal she had no idea she was pregnant. *** Dear fertile...

Posted: 21 days ago

News item: A Florida woman woke up in the middle of the night with abdominal pains she blamed on a bad batch of Chinese food. But it wasn’t the General Tso’s chicken. It was labor pains. Her boy was born on the way to the hospital. The woman later told the Pensacola News Journal she had no idea she was pregnant. *** Dear fertile...
Harry’s Banana Farm takes a (half) serious turn for gun control
 Lou De Stout would rather be funny. After all, he’s the Bard of North Dixie Highway, the guy who comes up with all those funny messages you see on the sign outside of Harry’s Banana Farm, one of Lake Worth’s venerable watering holes. “Cremation, the only time you’ll have a smokin’ hot body.” Coming...

Posted: 23 days ago

Lou De Stout would rather be funny. After all, he’s the Bard of North Dixie Highway, the guy who comes up with all those funny messages you see on the sign outside of Harry’s Banana Farm, one of Lake Worth’s venerable watering holes. “Cremation, the only time you’ll have a smokin’ hot body.” Coming...
Setting the record straight on Channel 12’s fake-news editorial
 Here’s the script for the next on-air editorial I’d like to see from Liz Quirantes and John Discepolo, the co-anchors for WPEC Channel 12 news in West Palm Beach. *** Liz: Recently, John and I delivered an unusual on-air editorial warning viewers to be wary of fake news by “some media outlets.” John: That&rsquo...

Posted: 24 days ago

Here’s the script for the next on-air editorial I’d like to see from Liz Quirantes and John Discepolo, the co-anchors for WPEC Channel 12 news in West Palm Beach. *** Liz: Recently, John and I delivered an unusual on-air editorial warning viewers to be wary of fake news by “some media outlets.” John: That&rsquo...
Season ends on Southern, boulevard of dreams, screams as Trump goes by
 It looks like another weekday afternoon on this stretch of Southern Boulevard, but it’s not. John “Johnny Flawless” Price is washing a BMW in the parking lot of the Sunoco station near the corner of U.S.1. Down the block, William Tighe, has a customer in his chair at Studio Hair Design. And at the La Familia Grocery on the...

Posted: 26 days ago

It looks like another weekday afternoon on this stretch of Southern Boulevard, but it’s not. John “Johnny Flawless” Price is washing a BMW in the parking lot of the Sunoco station near the corner of U.S.1. Down the block, William Tighe, has a customer in his chair at Studio Hair Design. And at the La Familia Grocery on the...
Cerabino: Sappy treenuptial; Florida woman marries a tree
 There was a lot of news this past weekend, so you might have missed that item about the Florida woman who married a tree. It happened Saturday in Fort Myers, and it appeared to be a rather traditional wedding, complete with a ring bearer, a bride in a white gown, flowers, music, and a wedding cake that had the words, “Higher Love&rdquo...

4:55 PM Monday, Mar. 26, 2018

There was a lot of news this past weekend, so you might have missed that item about the Florida woman who married a tree. It happened Saturday in Fort Myers, and it appeared to be a rather traditional wedding, complete with a ring bearer, a bride in a white gown, flowers, music, and a wedding cake that had the words, “Higher Love&rdquo...
Cerabino: Not to be dramatic, but remember those Votomatics?
 Bring back the dangling chads. It’s becoming clear that we were too hasty in getting rid of all those Votomatic punch-card ballot machines after the 2000 presidential election and its infamous 37-day Florida recount. Now, nearly 18 years later, the old Votomatics are starting to look good again. That’s because this week, the U...

12:05 AM Saturday, Mar. 24, 2018

Bring back the dangling chads. It’s becoming clear that we were too hasty in getting rid of all those Votomatic punch-card ballot machines after the 2000 presidential election and its infamous 37-day Florida recount. Now, nearly 18 years later, the old Votomatics are starting to look good again. That’s because this week, the U...
Cerabino: How Donald could Trump weekend’s ‘March for Our Lives’
 It’s great to be back in Florida. Up north, it was a little stormy … … but the weather here is beautiful as usual, and we’re looking forward to a very productive weekend. As you all know, I have been the only elected leader in America who isn’t afraid to stand up to the folks at the National Rifle...

8:30 PM Thursday, Mar. 22, 2018

It’s great to be back in Florida. Up north, it was a little stormy … … but the weather here is beautiful as usual, and we’re looking forward to a very productive weekend. As you all know, I have been the only elected leader in America who isn’t afraid to stand up to the folks at the National Rifle...
Could Trump billboard-battle bring tourism dollars to tiny town on Mar-a-Lago route?
 The election of President Donald Trump has made the billboard near the intersection of Southern Boulevard and Interstate-95 the most enviable one in Palm Beach County. Before Trump, the billboard was home to ads for Burger King and Keiser University, but now it has become prime real estate for sending a message to the president as he...

9:34 PM Tuesday, Mar. 20, 2018

The election of President Donald Trump has made the billboard near the intersection of Southern Boulevard and Interstate-95 the most enviable one in Palm Beach County. Before Trump, the billboard was home to ads for Burger King and Keiser University, but now it has become prime real estate for sending a message to the president as he...
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