OK, enough limericks. I need a break.
I’m starting to see five-line ditties in my sleep.
Several days ago, I used this column and the annual Palm Beach Poetry Festival as an excuse to challenge readers to come up with “deadline limericks” — ones that play off the news. And I wrote that in a future column I would publish some of your clever offerings.
Some of you, like Dave Gorfinkle of Boynton Beach, immediately smelled a rat:
There once was a newspaper writer
who should have been a bit brighter,
than making his readers
become his news feeders
and sharing the role of inciter
But most of you got busy coming up with too many worthy breaking-news limericks to print in a single column, including some from teacher Matthew Heath’s 11th grade English class at Lake Worth High School.
So here’s a sliver of what readers have been sending me this past week.
Patricia Rorke of Ocean Ridge tackled the ascendant #MeToo women’s movement:
Watch out the women are coming
to silence the ‘Men Only’ drumming
They will leave the guys reeling
as they crash the glass ceiling
and no longer allow the down-dumbing
Meanwhile, my old buddy Ed Salem of Boynton Beach was addressing the rising sea levels associated with climate change.
There once was a senior Floridian
who lived by the sea in oblivion
when climate change hit
his life changed a bit
and he had to become an amphibian
The annual migration from the north was handled deftly by seasonal resident Lynn Miller.
Despite Cerabino’s strong words
we come to the Southland in herds
And our money still spends
on our food and Depends
for we are, after all, the snowbirds
Chris Gross of Palm Beach Gardens got to the bottom of the naturists who’ve been clamoring for a nude beach.
In the nudist camp’s recent enclosure
If you join there, requires exposure
of your naked bod
That’s not really odd
It is just giving you full disclothes-ure
Joan Van Poznak of West Palm Beach waxed poetic about her displeasure with the city’s new traffic-rerouting Flagler Shore experiment, which is designed to make the city’s waterfront more appealing to pedestrians.
Mayor Muoio is keeping alive
our city’s desire to thrive
But she hasn’t a clue
about what to do
with the waterfront on Flagler Drive
Paul Noble of Palm Beach is already thinking about the guest list at the upcoming British Royal Wedding of Prince Harry and American actress Meghan Markle.
The Royal pair Meghan and Harry,
this May are going to marry,
With all of their might,
they will not invite
Don Trump, a figure quite scary!
Of all the topics submitted, anything to do with President Donald Trump was by far the most popular. And the rhyming covered multiple fronts.
Priscilla Argyle of Delray Beach tackled the recent allegations of hush money over an eight-year-old tryst with a porn star.
A GOP leader called Trump-et
was caught with a porn star, a strumpet
It cost him 130 K
for her to have nothing to say
and the voters could like it or lump it
Therese Mattil of Delray Beach rhymed about results of President Trump’s recent physical, which listed his weight at a less-than-credible 239 pounds.
The man with over 2,000 lies
greatly under-estimated his size
“Believe me!” he said,
then headed to bed,
with a cheeseburger and fries
George Greider of Boynton Beach wanted to know if there was a limit on how many limericks he could send me. Here’s one of them:
There once was a man from Mar-a-Lago
who traveled with plenty of cargo
He jammed up our streets
and in between tweets
he turned the White House into “Fargo.”
Ellen Rosenberg of Royal Palm Beach focused on President Trump’s assertion that he wanted more immigrants from Norway.
Our commander declares he’s a fighter
all his laws will make things so much righter.
Yet it seems that his view
takes a much different hue.
What he wants is a country that’s whiter.
Some of you also chose to flatter me, which I don’t recommend — unless you do it as well as Rick Beardsley did.
It is news shows from Fox we can thank
for flushing real news down the tank
But for views nifty-keeno
We read Cerabino
‘Cause we know all his columns are Frank