The president and the porn star: You think you know all the details


This will be an epic weekend in the history of Palm Beach County.

We’ve never had a sitting president visiting on the same weekend that his porn-star albatross is booked at a local strip club.

But that’s what’s happening. Stormy Daniels will be doing back-to-back strip shows at Ultra Gentlemen’s Club, across the street from the Trump International Golf Club in suburban West Palm Beach, on Friday and Saturday nights. And on Monday afternoon, President Donald Trump will be flying into Palm Beach International Airport for a four-day stay at Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach.

STORMY DANIELS: She’s headed our way, yards from Mar-a-Lago

Oh, the proximity. Will Daniels hang around until Monday so that their motorcades crisscross on Southern Boulevard? Will poor Melania finally attempt a jail break?

Will Stormy make it rain in the strip club while a weather front makes it rain on the Trump fans and protesters who line the route from the airport on Monday?

So many questions, so little time. As the weekend draws near, this would be a good time to sharpen your knowledge on these current events with my Donald Trump/Stormy Daniels multiple-choice trivia quiz.

PHOTO GALLERY: Stormy Daniels at Pompano Beach strip club

Pick the correct pairing for each question. Remember, both elements of the answer have to be correct, not just one.

To check to see how you did, and what it means for you, there’s an answer key at the end of this column.

Good luck and govern yourself accordingly.

 1. Mar-a-Lago and the Ultra Gentlemen’s Club have recently had improvements made to their facilities. They are:

(a) nuclear football viewing area / low-friction brass poles

(b) big screens in every room tuned to Fox News / creamed-corn wrestling pit

(c) helipad / six private lap-dance couches

(d) emergency hair salon / presidential champagne room

***

2. Proper spelling of a word Trump misspelled in a tweet / actual Stormy Daniels movie title

(a) eviscerate / Trailer Trash Nurses 5

(b) tap / Count Rackula

(c) marginalize / Eager Beavers in Vegas

(d) eschew / Hung Jury Trial

***

3. Name a mob-connected Russian business partner of Trump / male adult film co-star of Stormy

(a) Tevfik Arif / Randy Longfellow

(b) Yakoff Smirnoff / Mike Wood

(c) Boris Badenov / Howie Cummings

(d) Felix Sater / Tommy Gunn

***

4. Price of proximity to Trump at Mar-a-Lago/ Stormy at Ultra

(a) $200,000 initiation fee; $14,000 annual dues / $25 admission fee; $50 stage seat

(b) $100,000 initiation fee; $14,000 annual dues / $50 admission fee; $100 stage seat

(c) $200,000 initiation fee; $10,000 annual dues / $10 admission fee; $500 stage seat

(d) $150,000 initiation fee; $20,000 annual dues / $25 admission fee; $25 stage seat

***

5. How former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson described Trump / How Stormy described prelude to sex with Trump

(a) “idiot” / “He had me at ‘Hello, gorgeous.’”

(b) “clown” / “Let’s get it on!”

(c) “moron” / “Ugh, here we go.”

(d) “well read” / “This is going to be fun!”

***

6. Trump’s Middle East advisor / Reviewer of Stormy’s Middle East movie,”Operation: Desert Stormy”

(a) Ben Carson / Ben Dover

(b) Scott Pruitt / Josh Dewitt

(c) Steve Doocy / Lucy Guzie

(d) John Bolton / Roger T. Pipe

***

7. What you’re likely to hear this weekend at Mar-a-Lago / club Ultra

(a) “I’m sick of playing golf all the time” / “What’s Anderson Cooper doing here?”

(b) “Your base still thinks Mexico is going to pay for it.” / “Your wife still thinks you went bowling tonight.”

(c) “I’ve got an idea; we’ll just instruct Sarah Huckabee Sanders to tell the truth this time.” / “I was expecting to see more choreography.”

(d) “We can’t blame everything on Obama, can we?” / “I think the clinging to the pole is supposed to be a metaphor for the precarious state of our national wellbeing in this time of serious constitutional challenges.”

TRUMP CAM: Live view of Mar-a-Lago

***

8. The most unlikely legal move or dance move from Trump / Stormy this weekend 

(a) firing U.S. Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein / deep-squat jiggle

(b) firing Special Counsel Robert Mueller / 360-degree pole twirl

(c) firing U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions / down-dog booty bounce

(d) getting Trump’s attorney, Michael Cohen, to pay Stormy another $130,000 / spread-eagle head stand

Correct answers

1 (c) ; 2 (b); 3 (d) ; 4 (a); 5 (c); 6 (d); 7 (b); 8 (d)

What your grade means:

8 correct: You get to be on Hannity / in the limo

6-7 correct: Special access to missile launch over dessert / VIP room photo op

4-5 correct: Free copy of “Art of the Deal” / “Silence of the Clams”

2-3 correct: Why was there no wall question?

1-2 correct: This quiz is “fake news”

0 correct: Uranium One!

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