Dear High School Graduates of the Class of 2018:
You made it! You’ve come all the way to the ( end / South Florida Fairgrounds), for this, your commencement ceremony.
You thought you’d never get here, with all the (obstacles / traffic) you had to face, passing all those (tests / junk yards) and the ( final projects / Double Dee’s strip club) along the way. But here you are.
And dare I say it, as I look out over these ( fresh young faces / Fairgrounds ), I can almost smell the (success / funnel cakes) and imagine the ( ambition /racing pigs.)
Some of you may be wishing you were (still in bed / at the Palm Beach Convention Center ) basking in the creature comforts of ( your room / luxury folding chairs). But this is not a time for wishful thinking. This is the time to claim your spot into this world of ( opportunity / livestock exhibitions) and ( new connections / gun shows).
To use a metaphor, life is like walking in the ( woods / Fairgrounds midway). You wander around, marveling at the bounty of ( nature’s beauty / fried Oreos), until you settle on a ( path / ride ) that captivates you, such as ( actuarial accounting / the Mega Drop).
Like a special calling, it speaks to you through the ups and downs until it’s time for you to (retire / barf ).
Some of you will pursue the ( arts / Zipper ), others will be drawn to the ( sciences / Inverter ). It doesn’t matter what you do, only that you invest in your ( education / wristband ), unless you’re lucky enough to ( have scholarships / know a carney).
As you go forward, the key thing will be to grow during the next few years without finding yourself in ( debt / The Moo-ternity Tent).
I know, as you sit there, many of you have questions. You are probably wondering whether you will be able to find ( a job / your car ) once you leave here. After all, it’s a big ( world / parking lot ) out there, and maybe you wished you took more time to pay attention ( in school / when you parked.)
For everything will soon be very different. You’ve all been together during your years in school, but when you leave here, you’ll be headed for different (destinations / aisles). Some of you will know where you are going. And you will go straight there. But others may take a while to find ( themselves / their cars).
That’s OK. People eventually find their ( way / vehicles ). They have to, because ( life / ceremonies ) keeps going on, and if you don’t, you will be trampled by ( time / the next graduation ) which ( never stops / starts in 3o minutes).
It’s a good life lesson. We must all venture out beyond the bounds of comfort, searching for a pathway to reach our destination. Some may try ( business / 441 ). Others may take a ( gap year / chance on the Turnpike ), but it really doesn’t matter, because you’re going to have to make ( choices / left turns ) along the way that will slow you down.
When that happens, don’t ( despair / ride the shoulder ) , because it would be terrible to get ( down on yourself / a moving violation ) on your graduation day.
So what am I saying? Go forth. Look forward to tomorrow, not back toward (yesterday / Yesteryear Village).
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to stop talking and ( sit down / leave early ). I’ve gone on long enough, and what’s important is that ( you / I ) get ( your diplomas / my Uber ride) before the next crowd arrives.