I feel sorry for former Palm Beach Gardens Councilwoman Annie Marie Delgado.
She started a local President Donald Trump club, calling it the “Trump Team 2020 Florida Republican Club” and took the trouble to get the sanctioning blessings of the Republican Party of Florida.
And the club’s first meeting earlier this month seemed to be a success. About 300 people attended, paying as much as $55 a ticket to be part of the team.
But Delgado made a serious error. She didn’t give Trump a cut of the action.
It’s a rookie mistake to put the name “Trump” on something, collect money and imagine that the big guy’s not going to expect a taste.
So it didn’t take long before Delgado got a “cease-and-desist” letter from a Trump lawyer.
“It has come to the campaign’s attention that the Trump Team 2020 Florida Republican Club … is falsely representing to the public that it is an affiliate and/or authorized agent of the campaign,” the letter read. “Moreover, it appears that you are currently, and have been for some time, holding yourself out as a member of the campaign and/or as having the authority to act on its behalf during fund-raising activities and in other contexts.”
That’s some rough outsider treatment for Delgado, who actually had been paid thousands of dollars to be a campaign insider in 2016 for her “political strategy services” to Trump’s election.
But she should have known better. If you’re going to play with Trump, you’ve got to pay.
Just ask all those people who had their fees at Mar-a-Lago doubled to $200,000 once Trump became president.
The good news is, I can help. All is not lost for Delgado and her Trump Team 2020 Florida Republican Club.
I can get them back in Trump’s good graces in short order.
Just follow these under-the-table payoff steps.
First thing to do is to call Trump’s personal lawyer Michael Cohen. This is his specialty.
It shouldn’t be too hard to reach Cohen. He supposedly has 16 cell phones. Just keep calling those numbers until you get somebody trying to sell you a New York taxicab medallion.
That will be Cohen. Tell him you’d like to hire him for … oh, it doesn’t really matter … just make something up.
Others have used real estate advice, health-care policy, accounting, and even “insights” — whatever that is. The important thing is to ask him to direct you to the limited liability company created in Delaware that will serve as the destination for your deposit.
You’ll have to then take on a fake name. That seems to be the rule. You can’t use “David Dennison.” That’s already taken as Trump’s fake name. I recommend “Swampy Denizen.” Or is that too on the nose?
While setting this up, please keep in mind that you may be on a recorded line while talking to Cohen. So pick your words carefully.
If the FBI asks you about it later, don’t panic. You can come up with some cover story. Corporate lawyers at AT&T or the drug company Novartis will tell you how to do this if the need arises.
Also, you might tell Cohen you’d prefer to make your deposit in a shell company that isn’t also handling hush money for Playboy bunnies, porn stars and abortions. This may not be possible, but it’s worth an ask.
In the event that Cohen is in custody or has flipped to become a government witness before you can reach him, DO NOT attempt to make the payment to him or one of his companies.
And whatever you do, don’t contact Trump’s legal advisor, Rudy Giuliani, and ask him what to do. Rudy is in cray-cray timeout right now.
You could probably get a quick response by contacting Donald Trump Jr. by email. Just ask Trump’s son where to send the money, and he’ll probably email you back “I love it!” and give you a meeting at Trump Tower.
Don Jr.’s a fairly safe guy to deal with because he’s well known to be TSTI (too simple to indict). But there’s no telling what unsavory characters you’ll be in contact with if you go inside Trump Tower. And I’m not just talking about Jared.
You’d be better off just being patient. Wait. Somebody will call and tell you where to drop off the money.
To speed up the transaction, you might want to have a translator handy who speaks Russian.