Cerabino: Let’s put speed bumps on Lantana’s sex-for-service complaint


Dear Town of Lantana residents:

You might have read recent news reports about one of our citizens filing a complaint with the Florida Commission on Ethics over a request she made to have speed bumps put in her neighborhood.

The complainant, Catherine Padilla, said that Mayor David Stewart had offered to get the town to install this safety measure in exchange for sex with the woman.

As you might imagine, we’ve had some calls at town hall about this. And many residents have asked us to clarify, or perhaps even publish, a listing of Lantana’s services and their corresponding acts of ethical, moral and personal degradation needed to obtain fast-lane approval from the town.

Some have even said, “Oh, brother. If sex is required for speed bumps, what acts of depravity are required from a homeowner to get a zoning-setback variance?”

And is it possible to get a “Stop!” sign from the town? No, then how about a “Don’t stop!” sign?

Or, “What’s the number to the mayor’s hotline?”

Frankly, we are tired of hearing these jokes. And on a side note, whoever is responsible, should immediately return the letter “L” to the sign in the public works department.

Remember, this is just an allegation, and we shouldn’t jump to conclusions.

As Mayor Stewart told The Palm Beach Post:

“These accusations are totally and completely false. I won’t dignify them by commenting. I continue to focus on doing my best for the residents of our town and community.”

So let’s just let the ethics commission do its job.

In the meantime, we appreciate that there are some in town who have expressed your concern for Mayor Stewart by offering to help him with his upcoming campaign for re-election next month.

But that’s not necessary because Mayor Stewart is running unopposed. He has no opponent, so there is no campaign.

So while he appreciates your well wishes, he does not require any help in crafting campaign slogans.

In other words, please stop suggesting slogans for his campaign such as “Swipe right for Mayor Stewart” or “For a good time: Mayor Stewart” or “Let Mayor Stewart give you a hand.”

The speed bumps-for-sex story has gone global, and even in a town that once was home to The National Enquirer, we find it jarring to be written up in the British tabloid, The Daily Mail.

And we are concerned that this story might be putting our sleepy little town on the map in an unflattering and indelible way.

So it’s time for residents to be good ambassadors for our town.

If somebody asks you about this, tell that person that this is not how things work in Lantana. And that, as far as you know, it is possible to get speed bumps in your neighborhood without removing a stitch of your clothing.

You might even want to throw in the possibility that this might just be a big misunderstanding.

That the mayor simply misheard the request.

There are many versions of speed bumps, with some being the more gently sloped variety. Maybe that was the request, and the mayor simply misheard a word.

Instead of hearing the words, “speed bump” he thought the woman said “speed hump.”

Bump. Hump. It can lead to a mistaken impression. Or another phone prank, which by the way, we’re tired of answering.

So please stop calling to say you need a “speed hump.”



Reader Comments ...


Next Up in Local

Police: Girl sexually assaulted riding on school bus in north county

A high school girl was sexually assaulted by the boy sitting next to her on a 30-minute bus ride home from the second day of school in the north end of Palm Beach County, school police report. The boy has been arrested, according to the report, in which the names and ages of both the victim and the accused were blacked out as well as the school they...
Woman in need of kidney transplant helps others with same disease
Woman in need of kidney transplant helps others with same disease

Every morning, Susan Caplan wakes in her Boca Raton home, hoping the wait is over. That this will be the day the matching kidney is found, and her 19-year quest will be at an end. She waits. And as she has done since her 1999 diagnosis of kidney disease, she passes the time by helping others who suffer from the same debilitating ailment. “Being...
Modern remodel creates dramatically geometric family home
Modern remodel creates dramatically geometric family home

BELLEVUE, Wash. — On the crest of one of Bellevue’s highest hills, a mesmerizingly modern form rises above treetops, horizontal lines stretching sideways from an exposed double-height stairway of diagonals and zigzags. Floating, glowing, beckoning, there and in the covered entry court: more than a dozen unexpected, suspended spheres. When...
Tips for tackling the grossest parts of your home
Tips for tackling the grossest parts of your home

Many of us spend our weekends chasing dirt and grime in our homes — vacuuming, mopping, scrubbing and washing. And no matter what we do, we’re suspicious that we didn’t and will never get it all. The truth is: We’re right. Here’s a look at some of the grossest parts of your home and what you can do to address them. FLOOR...
Jupiter Community Center to close for maintenance
Jupiter Community Center to close for maintenance

The Jupiter Community Center will be closed for annual maintenance for one week starting Aug. 29. The center will not hold any activities on Aug. 27. It is one of the polling places for the primary elections on Aug. 28, when it will be open from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. The only other activity that will take place on Aug. 28 is the School’s Out Camp...
More Stories