Cerabino: A dream job for those who aren’t movers or shakers


Current job posting:

“Palm Beach State College is recruiting for models for life drawing and anatomy classes.

“Models are expected to be able to hold poses from 30 seconds to as long as 45 minutes.

“While athletic ability is not required, body awareness and the ability to twist, turn, bend and accentuate the 3-dimensional qualities of the figure in poses is highly desirable.

“The work is performed under supervision of the class instructor during class hours and models must be able to work with instructors, be punctual, and record hours after each working session.

“Must be comfortable posing clothed or nude.”

***

To Whom it May Concern:

I am writing in response to a job listing from Palm Beach State College that seeks workers for part-time employment as models for drawing and anatomy classes.

I will admit right from the start that I have no past job experience in this area, but I’ve been told by my wife on numerous occasions that I have a real talent for remaining motionless for impressive stretches of time.

Certainly more than the 45 minutes mentioned in your ad.

This usually happens on weekends when she fantasizes that I might be scurrying about the house doing some minor plumbing, landscaping or tidying up. But instead, there I am on the couch, brushing up on my art model skills (Who knew!) while watching the NBA playoffs or just about anything else.

In fact, during Netflix binges, I’ve been known to “hold a pose” for several hours at a time.

Which brings up a question: Will I be able to bring a TV to these model sessions? Just wondering. No worries if not. I am perfectly capable of entertaining myself while keeping still by other means.

For example, I would be really good at any poses that involve me reading from my Kindle, or lightly dozing. Or better yet, doing both, usually in succession. Start out on the Kindle, then transition into the dozing. I can do that every day. Trust me. I’ve been practicing.

Another question: Do I need to bring my own snacks? You do give models brief time-outs to reach for pastries and light hors d’oeuvres, I assume.

Your ad mentions that models must have “body awareness,” and let me just assure you that I am extremely aware of my own body, especially since my pants started fitting tighter a few months ago.

But I imagine that this extra weight just adds to those “3-dimensional qualities of the figure” you are seeking. Especially when I turn sideways. If only I knew this was making me more employable, I would have eaten more Funyuns.

And yes, I am pretty good at twists — just as long as you don’t expect me to untwist any time soon afterward. In fact, once you twist me, I’m probably locked in, not only for the rest of the session, but for hours after that.

Finally, you mentioned that models must be comfortable posing nude. And to assure you that I am comfortable in being nude in a room full of strangers, please take a look at the enclosed photos.

As you can see, they were selfies taken inside a Walgreen’s.

That first one is a little hard to make out, considering that I was attempting an artistic bend to accentuate the 3-dimensional qualities of my torso while trying to keep that rude employee who was dialing 911 from getting in the shot.

The next photo is better. You can see how motionless I am, despite that the officer running toward me in the background of the frame was yelling, “Taser, Taser, Taser!” and just moments away from zapping me. That took a lot of control.

Finally, I think you need to know that I don’t have any tattoos, but I do have a few visible barb wounds from the Taser on my rear end.

I hope that’s not a problem.



Reader Comments ...


Next Up in Local

Multiple lane closures expected in West Palm Beach this week
Multiple lane closures expected in West Palm Beach this week

Summer construction is in full swing throughout Palm Beach County, notably downtown West Palm Beach. The work on Forest Hill Boulevard near Dixie Highway is scheduled to conclude Tuesday, according to Kathleen Walters, director of communications for the city. Also in West Palm Beach: - The right-turn lane on eastbound Southern Boulevard between Washington...
BREAKING: 4 men shot in Riviera Beach
BREAKING: 4 men shot in Riviera Beach

Four men were injured Sunday night in a shooting in the 1200 block of West 35th Street, police said. The shooting occurred just before 8 p.m. Three men were transported to at least one area hospital by Riviera Beach Fire Rescue, and a fourth was taken by private vehicle. Police said they will provide more details as they become available. Anyone with...
Frankel: Family splits at border is ‘government-inflicted child abuse’
Frankel: Family splits at border is ‘government-inflicted child abuse’

After visiting immigrant detention facilities in Texas, where she said she saw children living in large metal cages and spoke with sobbing mothers through translators, U.S. Rep. Lois Frankel demanded more government action and denounced what she said was a “(Donald) Trump-manufactured crisis at our border.” Frankel, D-West Palm Beach...
Saudi air defenses intercept 2 missiles from Yemen, state media says
Saudi air defenses intercept 2 missiles from Yemen, state media says

Saudi Arabia’s state-run television station said Sunday that the country’s air defense intercepted two ballistic missiles launched over Riyadh, Reuters reported. >> Read more trending news The attack, which the station alleged was  launched by Yemen’s Houthi militia, is at least the sixth to target Riyadh since December...
WATCH: Two iguanas tussle at Boca Starbucks 
WATCH: Two iguanas tussle at Boca Starbucks 

A woman stopped by a Starbucks in Boca Raton Saturday and captured an unexpected battle between two iguanas.  Shannon Moskoff was driving behind a Starbucks around 10 a.m. when she thought she saw a large tree branch -- and that’s when it moved. She rushed to grab her iPhone and started filming.  The video shows two large iguanas going...
More Stories