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Latest from Frank Cerabino

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Brightline stimulating South Florida with simulated train service
 I’ve got to hand it to the people at Brightline. They’ve come up with a brilliant move: Simulated train service. I can’t wait to be sitting at a Florida East Coast Railway train crossing in my car waiting for the big moment. Will it be one of those soul-crushing, three-engine freight trains that go on for miles and sometimes...

12:05 AM Saturday, Dec. 09, 2017

I’ve got to hand it to the people at Brightline. They’ve come up with a brilliant move: Simulated train service. I can’t wait to be sitting at a Florida East Coast Railway train crossing in my car waiting for the big moment. Will it be one of those soul-crushing, three-engine freight trains that go on for miles and sometimes...
Cerabino: Tough for Riviera Beach mayor to stay step ahead of repo man
 The Sunshine Law is turning out to be very inconvenient for the mayor of Riviera Beach. Florida’s open government law requires notice for all public meetings, letting anybody know where and when they will be held. For Mayor Thomas Masters, this just means tipping off the repo man. Masters had his 2014 Subaru repossessed during an October...

7:11 PM Thursday, Dec. 07, 2017

The Sunshine Law is turning out to be very inconvenient for the mayor of Riviera Beach. Florida’s open government law requires notice for all public meetings, letting anybody know where and when they will be held. For Mayor Thomas Masters, this just means tipping off the repo man. Masters had his 2014 Subaru repossessed during an October...
Renew health insurance to Florida’s poor kids? It’s on the back burner
 There are 342,000 Florida children who are waiting for their turn. It hasn’t happened yet. A 20-year-old national program called the Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP), quietly expired in September, leaving children of the working poor in limbo. The program is run jointly by the federal government and the states, with...

12:10 AM Tuesday, Dec. 05, 2017

There are 342,000 Florida children who are waiting for their turn. It hasn’t happened yet. A 20-year-old national program called the Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP), quietly expired in September, leaving children of the working poor in limbo. The program is run jointly by the federal government and the states, with...
Cerabino: A football game in Boca Raton would be a bowl of cherries
 Big news! We’ve landed The Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl here in Palm Beach County. I know what you’re thinking. In college football bowl games named in the category of pucker-worthy fruit, this is quite a catch. I mean, we can’t all land the pomegranate. And so much of the citrus is already taken. And who...

12:05 AM Saturday, Dec. 02, 2017

Big news! We’ve landed The Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl here in Palm Beach County. I know what you’re thinking. In college football bowl games named in the category of pucker-worthy fruit, this is quite a catch. I mean, we can’t all land the pomegranate. And so much of the citrus is already taken. And who...
Cerabino: War on Men overshadowing War on Christmas this year
 I’m worried that the parade of men in entertainment, the media and politics who are being dragged into the public square as sexual transgressors will never end, and as a result, we will miss enjoying the annual rite of “The War on Christmas.” This would be a shame. I look forward to “The War on Christmas&rdquo...

12:05 AM Friday, Dec. 01, 2017

I’m worried that the parade of men in entertainment, the media and politics who are being dragged into the public square as sexual transgressors will never end, and as a result, we will miss enjoying the annual rite of “The War on Christmas.” This would be a shame. I look forward to “The War on Christmas&rdquo...
Know your tax plan. Take the quiz and deduce who the big winners are
 Gather round, kids. It’s time to test your knowledge of the sweeping new tax proposals afoot, which already have been approved by the Republican-led House of Representatives and are being weighed this week by the U.S. Senate. With a permanent deep cut in the corporate tax rate that cost $1 trillion — about two-thirds...

12:08 AM Wednesday, Nov. 29, 2017

Gather round, kids. It’s time to test your knowledge of the sweeping new tax proposals afoot, which already have been approved by the Republican-led House of Representatives and are being weighed this week by the U.S. Senate. With a permanent deep cut in the corporate tax rate that cost $1 trillion — about two-thirds...
Boca Raton’s mayor and the ethics of hiding behind your spouse
 I’ve got some free advice for Boca Raton Mayor Susan Haynie. Abandon the “It’s not me; it’s my husband” defense. It’s been done before. Doesn’t work. Haynie got caught playing footsie with Boca’s biggest developer. Hey, it happens. This is Boca. Becoming the Kendall of Palm Beach County doesn&rsquo...

12:05 AM Tuesday, Nov. 28, 2017

I’ve got some free advice for Boca Raton Mayor Susan Haynie. Abandon the “It’s not me; it’s my husband” defense. It’s been done before. Doesn’t work. Haynie got caught playing footsie with Boca’s biggest developer. Hey, it happens. This is Boca. Becoming the Kendall of Palm Beach County doesn&rsquo...
Cerabino: Floating South Florida Fair parade entries with local flair
 Here are some some marching group applications that need to be made: *** Group name: The Sauntering Snowbirds Number of marchers: More than enough. But hard to say on any given night, because of conflicts with clubhouse card games. Attire: Let’s hope so. Vehicle included?: A road-salt-caked Toyota Camry will lead the group...

5:00 AM Saturday, Nov. 25, 2017

Here are some some marching group applications that need to be made: *** Group name: The Sauntering Snowbirds Number of marchers: More than enough. But hard to say on any given night, because of conflicts with clubhouse card games. Attire: Let’s hope so. Vehicle included?: A road-salt-caked Toyota Camry will lead the group...
It’s a real headache correcting ‘Tampon Tax’ in red-state Florida
 Normally, the email bulletins sent from the Florida Department of Revenue are dry and uninspiring. You have to be a tax wonk to care. And even then, maybe not. Recently, the department has issued guidance on such topics as: “Payments for the Purchase and Lease of Items Used for the Operation or Maintenance of a Municipally-Owned Golf...

1:05 PM Wednesday, Nov. 22, 2017

Normally, the email bulletins sent from the Florida Department of Revenue are dry and uninspiring. You have to be a tax wonk to care. And even then, maybe not. Recently, the department has issued guidance on such topics as: “Payments for the Purchase and Lease of Items Used for the Operation or Maintenance of a Municipally-Owned Golf...
Be on lookout for Russians in submarine heading for Trump’s Mar-a-Lago
 Be on the lookout for a submarine this Thanksgiving. If you are in the vicinity of the Intracoastal Waterway from the Palm Beach Inlet to the Southern Boulevard Bridge, immediately report any unusual wakes, large underwater shadows and surfacing periscopes throughout the week. Let’s hope that nothing comes of this. But better...

12:05 AM Tuesday, Nov. 21, 2017

Be on the lookout for a submarine this Thanksgiving. If you are in the vicinity of the Intracoastal Waterway from the Palm Beach Inlet to the Southern Boulevard Bridge, immediately report any unusual wakes, large underwater shadows and surfacing periscopes throughout the week. Let’s hope that nothing comes of this. But better...
Cerabino: Women put the squeeze on boob leading Florida’s Democratic Party
 Turn yourselves in, guys. No use waiting. There’s no hiding out from this one. They’re going to find you. Men-Are-Pigs-Gate is in full bloom, and the way things are going, there will be many more carcasses of once-powerful men littering the gutters of politics, commerce and the arts before it’s settled. Get out in front...

11:05 AM Saturday, Nov. 18, 2017

Turn yourselves in, guys. No use waiting. There’s no hiding out from this one. They’re going to find you. Men-Are-Pigs-Gate is in full bloom, and the way things are going, there will be many more carcasses of once-powerful men littering the gutters of politics, commerce and the arts before it’s settled. Get out in front...
No statue a limitation as Trump protest season comes to Palm Beach
 Our street protest infrastructure needs revamping here in Palm Beach County. As you know, the Official 2017-18 President Donald Trump Protest Season kicked off last weekend in West Palm Beach for what promises to be six busy months of weekend street demonstrations and counterdemonstrations. And one thing is clear. We’ve got some...

12:05 AM Friday, Nov. 17, 2017

Our street protest infrastructure needs revamping here in Palm Beach County. As you know, the Official 2017-18 President Donald Trump Protest Season kicked off last weekend in West Palm Beach for what promises to be six busy months of weekend street demonstrations and counterdemonstrations. And one thing is clear. We’ve got some...
Cerabino: Judge Roy Moore’s sexcapades has silver lining for Florida
 The unmasking of pious, bigot Roy Moore as a U.S. Senate candidate with a history of making sexual advances on high school girls, could end up having a beneficial effect for some girls in Florida. Florida is one of 25 states that offers adult men a chance to avoid statutory rape by marrying the underage girls they impregnate. The minimum...

12:05 AM Wednesday, Nov. 15, 2017

The unmasking of pious, bigot Roy Moore as a U.S. Senate candidate with a history of making sexual advances on high school girls, could end up having a beneficial effect for some girls in Florida. Florida is one of 25 states that offers adult men a chance to avoid statutory rape by marrying the underage girls they impregnate. The minimum...
Cerabino: Welcome to Florida, home of the ‘emotional support squirrel’
 We may be breaking new ground here in Florida when it comes to emotional support animals. Squirrels! Yes, a renter is fighting an eviction from a Clearwater condo over his pet squirrel, Brutus. Ryan Boylan has claimed that under the Fair Housing Act he should be allowed to live with his squirrel because it’s not just any squirrel...

12:05 AM Tuesday, Nov. 14, 2017

We may be breaking new ground here in Florida when it comes to emotional support animals. Squirrels! Yes, a renter is fighting an eviction from a Clearwater condo over his pet squirrel, Brutus. Ryan Boylan has claimed that under the Fair Housing Act he should be allowed to live with his squirrel because it’s not just any squirrel...
Absent health care fix, tax relief no relief for Wellington family
 President Donald Trump has been talking about rescuing the middle class. “We will cut taxes for middle-class families. This is a major, major tax cut — the biggest since Ronald Reagan,” he said in a speech two months ago. “The pipe fitters and plumbers, and nurses, and police officers — all the people like...

12:05 AM Sunday, Nov. 12, 2017

President Donald Trump has been talking about rescuing the middle class. “We will cut taxes for middle-class families. This is a major, major tax cut — the biggest since Ronald Reagan,” he said in a speech two months ago. “The pipe fitters and plumbers, and nurses, and police officers — all the people like...
Cerabino: Gov. Scott’s plan to pray away gun violence needs a hotline
 The phone rings. A recorded voice answers the call. You have reached Florida Gov. Rick Scott’s Rapid Response Center for Gun Violence. If you are calling to hear Gov. Scott’s plan to find remedies for mass shootings in America, such as the domestic abuser in Texas who shot and killed 26 people during a church service on Sunday...

12:05 AM Friday, Nov. 10, 2017

The phone rings. A recorded voice answers the call. You have reached Florida Gov. Rick Scott’s Rapid Response Center for Gun Violence. If you are calling to hear Gov. Scott’s plan to find remedies for mass shootings in America, such as the domestic abuser in Texas who shot and killed 26 people during a church service on Sunday...
Cerabino: Mar-a-Lago welcomes new crop of Ameri … uh … foreign workers
 Dear New Employees: Welcome to Mar-a-Lago! Bienvenido. Bine ati venit. Dobro pozhalovat. Herzlich willkommen. Dobrodosli. I know you will do your part to make the Mar-a-Lago workforce great again. And none of you will get sick, complain about overtime, need to get off early to pick up a spouse or do any of the other selfish...

12:05 AM Wednesday, Nov. 08, 2017

Dear New Employees: Welcome to Mar-a-Lago! Bienvenido. Bine ati venit. Dobro pozhalovat. Herzlich willkommen. Dobrodosli. I know you will do your part to make the Mar-a-Lago workforce great again. And none of you will get sick, complain about overtime, need to get off early to pick up a spouse or do any of the other selfish...
Cerabino: Marco Rubio’s spine to be tested in new tax bill
 Uh, oh. Marco Rubio’s talking about his parents again. Florida’s junior U.S. Senator usually invokes his father the bartender, and his mother the maid, when he’s running for office and delivering a stem-winder on the American Dream. Rubio’s parents came to the United States in pre-Castro Cuba with little skills...

12:07 AM Tuesday, Nov. 07, 2017

Uh, oh. Marco Rubio’s talking about his parents again. Florida’s junior U.S. Senator usually invokes his father the bartender, and his mother the maid, when he’s running for office and delivering a stem-winder on the American Dream. Rubio’s parents came to the United States in pre-Castro Cuba with little skills...
Cerabino: Thanks a hundred. ‘Notes from hell’ takes the cake.
 Here’s the start of a column I wrote on March 30, 1992: “I’ve decided to occasionally answer my mail. Here goes. Notes from hell, Volume 1.” Calling my reader mail “notes from hell” was an easy call. I had been a columnist for three months, and was already getting some gems. So it began. &ldquo...

7:05 PM Saturday, Nov. 04, 2017

Here’s the start of a column I wrote on March 30, 1992: “I’ve decided to occasionally answer my mail. Here goes. Notes from hell, Volume 1.” Calling my reader mail “notes from hell” was an easy call. I had been a columnist for three months, and was already getting some gems. So it began. &ldquo...
Cerabino: Stretched-thin FBI hot on the trail in airline-sex case
 The FBI has way too many things to investigate. And it’s not just the Russian interference in U.S. elections, a terrorist attack in New York, and that fishy $300 million contract to fix Puerto Rico’s electrical grid. Those are just the most high-profile investigations. The FBI is also conducting ongoing investigations of bribery...

10:00 PM Thursday, Nov. 02, 2017

The FBI has way too many things to investigate. And it’s not just the Russian interference in U.S. elections, a terrorist attack in New York, and that fishy $300 million contract to fix Puerto Rico’s electrical grid. Those are just the most high-profile investigations. The FBI is also conducting ongoing investigations of bribery...
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