Frank Cerabino

Metro columnist for The Post since 1991.

Latest from Frank Cerabino

White nationalist rally in Gainesville was storm that fizzled
 So “Hurricane Spencer” turned out to be a Category Zero. Richard Spencer, the white nationalist who reveled in the notoriety he created by speaking at the University of Florida last week, craved the dread he had created in the state. Gov. Rick Scott had issued a state of emergency days before his speech. Security costs for this...

Posted: 15 hours ago

So “Hurricane Spencer” turned out to be a Category Zero. Richard Spencer, the white nationalist who reveled in the notoriety he created by speaking at the University of Florida last week, craved the dread he had created in the state. Gov. Rick Scott had issued a state of emergency days before his speech. Security costs for this...
Cerabino: ‘Senator Death’ puts happy face on nursing home fatalities
 I knew that state Sen. Dennis Baxley was a death enthusiast, but until recently, I underestimated his passion. Baxley’s a funeral director by trade who dabbles in lawmaking on the side. The state’s 2005 “stand your ground” gun law is his baby. It’s a big reason for the 31 percent uptick in gun homicides in Florida...

Posted: 2 days ago

I knew that state Sen. Dennis Baxley was a death enthusiast, but until recently, I underestimated his passion. Baxley’s a funeral director by trade who dabbles in lawmaking on the side. The state’s 2005 “stand your ground” gun law is his baby. It’s a big reason for the 31 percent uptick in gun homicides in Florida...
Beam her up; alien-contacted Florida candidate seeks House seat
 We here at the Citizens Against Virtually Everything are uncharacteristically enthusiastic about the candidacy of Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera for a soon-to-be vacant Florida seat in the U.S. House of Representatives. As you might expect, we CAVEs are usually against most things, especially in the political realm, but this next election cycle...

Posted: 4 days ago

We here at the Citizens Against Virtually Everything are uncharacteristically enthusiastic about the candidacy of Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera for a soon-to-be vacant Florida seat in the U.S. House of Representatives. As you might expect, we CAVEs are usually against most things, especially in the political realm, but this next election cycle...
Cerabino: Campaign cash dwarfs reason in utilities regulator choice
 Oh, no. Not the dwarf-tossing enthusiast. We have a new appointment to Florida’s Public Service Commission, which is designed to represent the taxpayers’ interests when it comes to setting rates and overseeing the state’s largest electric utility companies and other regulated industries. In theory. But we don’t live...

Posted: 5 days ago

Oh, no. Not the dwarf-tossing enthusiast. We have a new appointment to Florida’s Public Service Commission, which is designed to represent the taxpayers’ interests when it comes to setting rates and overseeing the state’s largest electric utility companies and other regulated industries. In theory. But we don’t live...
Cerabino: The ‘Mar-a-Lago Strategy’ to shield Trump from Palm Beachers
 To: All Mar-a-Lago personnel From: White House Chief of Staff John Kelly Subject: Implementing the Mar-a-Lago Strategy * In the interest of national security, the strategy, aka Operation Blabbermouth, will go into effect immediately the next time the President of the United States (POTUS) makes a weekend visit to his private club in Palm...

Posted: 6 days ago

To: All Mar-a-Lago personnel From: White House Chief of Staff John Kelly Subject: Implementing the Mar-a-Lago Strategy * In the interest of national security, the strategy, aka Operation Blabbermouth, will go into effect immediately the next time the President of the United States (POTUS) makes a weekend visit to his private club in Palm...
Cerabino: “Lucky Lou” seeks Friday the 13th lottery fortune again
 It’s another Friday the 13th, Lou Eisenberg’s lucky day. Eisenberg, 89, who lives in a modest townhouse in suburban West Palm Beach, will do what he always does on days like this: Play his six lucky numbers 3, 14, 22, 24, 25 and 29. It was on a Friday the 13th, nearly 36 years ago, when Eisenberg hit the New York Lottery&rsquo...

Posted: 9 days ago

It’s another Friday the 13th, Lou Eisenberg’s lucky day. Eisenberg, 89, who lives in a modest townhouse in suburban West Palm Beach, will do what he always does on days like this: Play his six lucky numbers 3, 14, 22, 24, 25 and 29. It was on a Friday the 13th, nearly 36 years ago, when Eisenberg hit the New York Lottery&rsquo...
Cerabino: For Trump, challenging Tillerson’s IQ is a no-brainer
 From: POTUS To: Secretary Tillerson Subject: Your IQ test So this is happening, Rex. One of my unlimited executive powers allows me to make up IQ tests. And I’ve consulted with some of the smartest people I know — Dog the Bounty Hunter, Omaroso, and Steve Doocy of Fox & Friends — to come up with a much more accurate...

Posted: 11 days ago

From: POTUS To: Secretary Tillerson Subject: Your IQ test So this is happening, Rex. One of my unlimited executive powers allows me to make up IQ tests. And I’ve consulted with some of the smartest people I know — Dog the Bounty Hunter, Omaroso, and Steve Doocy of Fox & Friends — to come up with a much more accurate...
Cerabino: McDonald’s nugget sauce shortage riles ‘Rick and Morty’ fans
 *** The correct answer is (e). Silly Lives Matter. It’s a much under-reported movement in this country. Galvanizing people to action over important things, such as comprehensive health-care or immigration policy, is a fool’s errand. And the only sure way to get everybody focused on foreign wars is to start a draft of American...

Posted: 12 days ago

*** The correct answer is (e). Silly Lives Matter. It’s a much under-reported movement in this country. Galvanizing people to action over important things, such as comprehensive health-care or immigration policy, is a fool’s errand. And the only sure way to get everybody focused on foreign wars is to start a draft of American...
No need for Florida AG Bondi to put the squeeze on O.J. Simpson
 It’s time to diffuse the tension between Florida Attorney Gen. Pam Bondi and released celebrity felon, O.J. Simpson. Bondi, who rarely misses a chance for shameless grandstanding, wrote a legally frivolous letter to Simpson’s Nevada parole board last week, suggesting that the soon-to-be-sprung Simpson would not be welcomed...

Posted: 15 days ago

It’s time to diffuse the tension between Florida Attorney Gen. Pam Bondi and released celebrity felon, O.J. Simpson. Bondi, who rarely misses a chance for shameless grandstanding, wrote a legally frivolous letter to Simpson’s Nevada parole board last week, suggesting that the soon-to-be-sprung Simpson would not be welcomed...
Cerabino: After Hurricane Irma, nobody asking for less government
 The deaths of eight elderly residents inside a powerless South Florida nursing home are bound to become one of the stories of Hurricane Irma that will linger. Dangerously high temperatures at the Rehabilitation Center at Hollywood Hills from the loss of air conditioning in the nursing home is believed to have led to the deaths as...

4:00 PM Friday, Sep. 15, 2017

The deaths of eight elderly residents inside a powerless South Florida nursing home are bound to become one of the stories of Hurricane Irma that will linger. Dangerously high temperatures at the Rehabilitation Center at Hollywood Hills from the loss of air conditioning in the nursing home is believed to have led to the deaths as...
After Irma, look for sign at Lake Worth dive bar for normalcy’s return
 Here’s a sign that things are getting back to normal. “I’m getting a truck today to put up our sign again,” Lou Destout told me Thursday morning. Destout runs Harry’s Banana Farm, Lake Worth’s oldest bar. Destout is the unofficial bard of North Dixie Highway, and for decades the sign outside Harry&rsquo...

9:27 PM Thursday, Sep. 14, 2017

Here’s a sign that things are getting back to normal. “I’m getting a truck today to put up our sign again,” Lou Destout told me Thursday morning. Destout runs Harry’s Banana Farm, Lake Worth’s oldest bar. Destout is the unofficial bard of North Dixie Highway, and for decades the sign outside Harry&rsquo...