We here in Palm Beach County are coming to grips with the so-called “Trump Divorce” between our top criminal prosecutor and one of our top karate-black-belt former Miami Dolphins cheerleaders.
I’m willing to blame President Donald Trump for an awful lot of things, but I’m not quite ready to put the two-year marriage of Dave and Lynn Aronberg on that American carnage list.
The 36-year-old wife is the one who called it a “Trump Divorce,” issuing a news release to say that she “felt increasingly isolated in the marriage” because she is a “staunch Republican and supporter of Donald Trump,” while her husband, Dave, the 45-year-old Palm Beach County state attorney, is a Democrat, and presumably less spellbound by the glorious blossoming of competent leadership we’ve experienced over the past half-year.
The former Mrs. Aronberg, who has retired her pompoms to toil in the field of public relations, hasn’t been shy about promoting the settlement details of her divorce through a news release that used the Trump hook to generate maximum exposure.
But, like I said, I’m doubtful.
While it’s understandable that the Trump partner in the marriage would be feeling more isolationist, it’s hard to imagine that the Democrat husband would be the one building the emotional wall. After all, Dave Aronberg even accompanied his wife to Mar-a-Lago events.
To most Democrats, that sort of marital selflessness would be on par with kidney donation.
So I’m more prone to believe her secondary reason for the divorce, that she wants children — while Dave, I’m guessing, just wants to charge them as adults.
That’s not going to make headline news. If you want to make the most out of your marital dysfunction, you can’t go wrong by blaming it on Trump.
But this is a fake news divorce.
If this were truly a “Trump Divorce,” Lynn Aronberg would have announced the split on Twitter in tweets rife with misspellings, name-calling (L’il Dave?), and endings that included the words “Believe me!” or “Sad!”
And she’d already be hot and heavy with some guy in a military uniform, whom she would probably call “my general.”
If this were really a Trump Divorce, wouldn’t it be more of a “repeal and replace” situation? Or maybe just a “skinny repeal,” an outcome that eliminates the cohabitation mandate but maintains some of the more popular aspects of marital life, such as the tax deductions, the Costco-sized purchasing and the conjugal visits.
A Trump Divorce would be months and months of fruitless changes of direction followed by the pronouncement, “Just bring me anything, and I’ll sign it.”
I’ll admit that Lynn Aronberg’s divorce is Trumpian in the sense that it amounts to her firing a prosecutor who has pursued her. But the pursuit was romantic, not criminal here.
And if this divorce was really caused by Trump, Dave Aronberg would have already discovered that his wife had secretly met with several Kremlin-connected divorce attorneys who said they were merely interested in discussing adoptions.
No, this seems more like an orderly run-of-the-mill divorce after a brief, childless marriage: Two people got together and amicably worked out their differences and divided up their assets in a way that eliminated protracted legal actions and costly appeals.
Filed in February, settled in July. A quick compromise that led to quick results.
There’s nothing Trumpy about that.