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Cerabino: On surveillance cameras, attractive mug shots and Viagra

By Frank Cerabino - Palm Beach Post Staff Writer



Notes from hell; Volume 82:

***

“Early exiting so-called patrons of the Kravis Center might curtail their rude behavior if a picture was taken and posted for all to see in the lobby or on a designated website.

Ironically, just the threat of having your picture put up might embarrass these embarrassors. Cameras in intersections and elsewhere are changing behaviors, so why not?”

Mickey McRoberts

Dear Mickey:

First of all, I apologize for not reading the remainder of your note. It may be as pithy as this part, but I’m kind of in a hurry to get done with my column today.

As for your idea, it’s a winner. I think the mug shots of people leaving early from the Kravis Center could rival the popularity of the Palm Beach County Jail “Booking Blotter” mug shots on The Palm Beach Post’s website.

And if the Kravis Center was willing to institute a small fine for leaving early, I’ll bet one of those companies that profit from selling red-light surveillance cameras to municipalities would be happy to construct surveillance cameras in the Kravis lobby in exchange for a piece of the action.

***

“Your head shot with the blue background is so much better than the white background. It might be a more recent picture, but you should get a better photographer.

“Oh, by the way, I have been happily married for 33 years and have three children, so this has nothing to do with any feeling.”

Jay Mills

Dear Jay:

Thanks for the head shot advice. I’m hoping some day to switch to a flattering Kravis surveillance photo.

As for your feelings, don’t deny it. That blue-background mug shot of mine is a babe magnet. Admit it.

***

“My Sunday print version stated that your column was ‘continued on B9’, which is the obit page. Is your editor trying to tell you something?”

— Richard Handelsman

Dear Richard:

First that white-background photo, then mislabeling the continuation of my column to the obituary page. It’s all starting to make sense.

I’m getting a feeling, and not one of those tingly Jay Mills kind of feelings, either.

***

“Wow, Frank. Every time I give up on you as just a left wingnut shill, you write an insightful and useful article without the typical libtard rhetoric.”

Burt Shaw

Wow, Burt:

Quit trying to ruin my day. Just the idea of writing something you find insightful is enough to keep me awake at night.

I’ve been a happily libtarded left-wingnut all my life, so don’t start getting any feelings about me.

***

“Two headlines in today’s Post provide grist for a snarky Cerabino take:

‘Senate OKs online sales tax collection’ and ‘Viagra maker set to sell dysfunction drug online.’

I predict a steady-stream income.

Richard

Dear Other Richard:

Wow. If you think I have the time to write a whole column of Viagra-related humor, you’re sadly mistaken. With my stiff schedule of wingnut shilling, it’s hard to fit any Viagra double-entendres into my tumescent flow of libtard rhetoric.

But you might want to check back with me in four hours, to see if these feelings still persist.

***

“In the last six months the post office has delivered to my wife and I 4 1/4 pounds of AARP mail.”

a Reader

Dear Reader:

Clearly, you and your wife need to take more youthful head shots of yourselves. You’re probably using white-background photos, which has put the AARP in a membership frenzy over the both of you.

I recommend a blue background. Or you could see if the Kravis has any youthful-looking shots of the two of you sprinting up the aisle.

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