breaking news

Frankel leads call for sexual-misconduct investigation of Trump

Cerabino: Readers who don’t read weigh in on President Trump


Notes from Hell, Volume 99:

*

“I just remembered why I stopped reading your comments years ago. Your topic caught my attention and against my better judgment, I read it. Quite an interesting article until I got to the end …

“He may not be your choice as he wasn’t for others, but he is still the president of our country, so grow up and put on some big man pants and accept it!”

— Debra Hester Owens

Dear Debra:

First of all, thanks for reading my column titled “A nude beach in Palm Beach County is barely plausible,” even if the reading was simply due to a temporary memory lapse on your part. Have you tried ginkgo biloba?

Apparently, your reading misadventure of my column was turning out just fine as you cruised by the part about the head nudist being named “Dickey.” The alarm bells didn’t start ringing until the last line, in which I casually suggested the beachfront at Mar-a-Lago as a suitable site for the county’s nude beach.

This, for some reason, set you off, including to tell me to “put on some big man pants,” which is strange advice coming from somebody who just enjoyed reading a whole column of nude-beach humor.

But what I mainly want to address is your contention that I don’t “accept” the presidency of Donald Trump. Nothing could be further than the truth. Nobody has accepted the presidency of Donald Trump more than me.

Not only do I accept it. I revel in it. I embrace it. I pay the mortgage with it.

I write about him just about every week. He’s the raisins in my oatmeal cookie.

You’ve got it backward. Trump’s great for me. He’s endlessly entertaining, outrageous, incompetent and dishonest — in other words, a columnist’s dream.

He’s just not great for you and most other Americans.

*

“Thank God there are other writers with much more interesting and informative newsworthy articles. Yours I don’t pay attention to as you are always pushing your Trump hater agenda … Here is a challenge for you, write something positive about what Trump has done in such a short time in office.”

— Carlos Farina

Dear Carlos:

My, oh, my, Carlos. That is a challenge.

Does Anthony Scaramucci count?

*

Mr. Cerabino:

“It’s the greatest privilege of my life to live in the same county as the guy who’s gotten the most done in the shortest period of time since FDR.

“Keep it up; I’ll continue not to read you.”

— Norman Berkowitz

Dear Norman:

I agree.

Acting Attorney General Sally Yates. National Security Advisor Michael Flynn. FBI Director James Comey. White House Communications Director Mike Dubke. Director of the Office of Government Ethics Walter Shaub. White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer. Senior Assistant Press Secretary Michael Short. Chief of Staff Reince Priebus. And White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci.

All of them, done. And in record time.

And that’s not counting Attorney Gen. Jeff Sessions, whom Trump wants to get done, not to mention Special Counsel Robert Mueller, who may still not be done hiring lawyers to investigate all that Trump has done.

Mueller’s most recent hire, Greg Andres, the 16th lawyer on the team, has previous experience in the U.S. Justice Department running the fraud unit that targeted illegal foreign bribery.

You can almost hear the opening strains of the theme song from Dragnet: “Done-da-done-done.”

By the way, Franklin Delano Roosevelt isn’t in Trump’s league.

All that FDR got done during the first months of his presidency was to convene the Congress for an emergency three-month session and get lawmakers from both parties to approve the Federal Emergency Relief Administration, the Civil Works Administration, the Works Progress Administration, The Tennessee Valley Authority, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, the Civilian Conservation Corps and the National Industrial Recovery Act, the Emergency Banking Act and the Farm Credit Act.

Those are just some of the 15 major bills, er, excuse me, I mean, “burdensome federal regulations,” that Roosevelt got through Congress in his first 100 days in office. Disgraceful government overreach.

*

“You know when I was growing up, I was taught that if you cannot say anything nice about someone, don’t say anything. Have you ever written a nice column about anyone? 

“Your articles may be humorous, but about the President of the United States of America.”

Barbara

Dear Barbara:

I’m going to float the idea to my editor and see what she says. On some days, instead of my column running, the paper will have a large empty space on the bottom of the page, with the words, “Frank has nothing nice to say about anybody today.”

But to prove to you that I can write something both humorous and nice about somebody, I have written a limerick just for you, Barbara.

Here goes:

Barbara, the kindliest reader

Said on Trump I ought to be sweeter

So I heaped on the praise

for all of my days 

And now I drink gin by the liter.

Sorry, Barbara. I tried.

But as Deborah Hester Owens might say, I was doing great until I got to the end.



Reader Comments ...


Next Up in Local

FAU student murder defendant Rodrick Woods gets 19 years prison
FAU student murder defendant Rodrick Woods gets 19 years prison

Rodrick Woods was sentenced to 19 years in prison Tuesday for his role in the December 2015 shooting death of Florida Atlantic University student Nicholas Acosta in an off campus student apartment. Circuit Judge Jeffrey Colbath pronounced the sentence for Woods at the end of a lengthy sentencing hearing that Acosta’s parents said would have never...
UPDATE: Man in custody after homicide in Port St. Lucie
UPDATE: Man in custody after homicide in Port St. Lucie

Update, 7:30 p.m.: Port St. Lucie police say they have located a man who may be connected a homicide. Police said that thanks to a tip they located Justino Cruz near a local Publix. Sgt. Frank Sabol told Palm Beach Post newspartners WPTV NewsChannel 5 that a man called police and said he had killed his father just before 5 p.m. When police arrived...
5 epic New Year's Eve destinations that aren't New York 
5 epic New Year's Eve destinations that aren't New York 

The thought has probably crossed your mind: someday I'll spend New Year's Eve at Times Square in New York City. You'll be part of that massive crowd as the whole country watches and counts down to the moment the crystal ball drops. With your friends or significant other, you'll toast the New Year with champagne and, just maybe, one of those TV...
Gardens Gators defeat defending champs to win Pop Warner Super Bowl
Gardens Gators defeat defending champs to win Pop Warner Super Bowl

Michael Wright lunged into the end zone with only 18 seconds left to give the Palm Beach Gardens Gators the winning score against a team from California in the national Pop Warner Super Bowl championship game. The Pee Wee Orange football team beat defending champions, the Point Loma Pointers, of Point Loma, Calif., to win the national championship...
Cerabino: Boynton Beach official slaves away in alternative universe
Cerabino: Boynton Beach official slaves away in alternative universe

I don’t agree with most of Cindy Falco-DiCorrado’s political views. For example, I don’t share the Boynton Beach official’s opinion that former President Barack Obama committed treason and should be executed. “First of all, he’s not an American and he’s working for the Muslims,” Falco-DiCorrado explained...
More Stories